Prior to the emergence of COVID-19, Innovation360 had developed a robust accountability and organizational program for students needing support navigating school courses and career development. Rachel Mayer, who spearheaded this programming, became familiar with Innovation360 by independently working with mutual clients as an Academic Consultant. She was so struck by the novelty and effectiveness of Life Development (LD) that she interviewed and became an LD team member herself. In no time, she had developed a whole other wing of programming, specific to the needs of academic and project support.
Elizabeth Devine, Innovation360’s Executive Director stated, “Many of our students understand what needs to be done, but the follow through is really a struggle- sustained follow through, even more so.” The blend of mental health treatment and focused academic support have yielded astounding results. Students are now able to make more informed and personalized decisions regarding their degree plans, course selection, communication with professors, and, most importantly, get the job done.
Now, in the wake of a global pandemic, with universities and academic institutions across the nation switching over to online formats, this support is more important than ever. Recent sessions focused on sorting through the flood of information students were given about their courses via various online platforms. In virtual academic sessions with Rachel, clients update weekly calendars of assignments and review them at the start of each week. This has helped students stay on top of deadlines and juggle online zoom class sessions.
In addition, with students largely staying home, Innovation360 is capitalizing on this unexpected extra time to help clients further map out their future. Students are digging deeper into career exploration by talking to professionals in clients’ fields of interest. Armed with information about the requirements for specific career paths, Innovation360 helps students build future goals and break them down into smaller, more manageable steps. Students report that they enjoy this process and that having stated goals keeps their mind focused on the future and the promise it holds- a sharp contrast from the stand-still world we are currently in.
Austin has always been a perfect city to engage in therapeutic relationships with the clients of Innovation360. Life Development, a unique service built on meeting clients where they are, both literally and figuratively, usually takes place in clients’ homes, school campuses, or greenbelts- challenging them to make progress toward their therapeutic goals. We lean heavily on the cultural, natural, and commercial resources of the incredible city that is Austin.
However, in the midst of a pandemic, as our city grinds to a halt, the lives of those we serve must go on.
For all of us, COVID-19 has presented unprecedented obstacles. There is no minimizing that. However, Innovation360 is rather practiced at confronting obstacles. In fact, the very foundation of our work is that, when confronted with a challenge, we respond with creativity, compassion, resiliency and, as much fun as we can muster. In true form, we have taken on the difficulties of showing up for clients in the age of social distancing and found a way to meet them where they are, but from a safe distance. For many clients this has meant shifting to virtual Life Development sessions. And we are blown away by just how successful it has been.
For virtual sessions, we allow clients to peer into the homes of Life Development team members and see how we live. Clients watch us cook breakfast across a high-speed connection, spills and all. While they are doing chores around their houses, they see us doing ours. We go for walks where accountability around exercise and healthy habits (like being outside) are encouraged. Sometimes we bring our dogs and it is quickly revealed that the client’s dog is better behaved. We join clients in online recovery support meetings (occasionally forgetting the mute button is on).
The benefits from going virtual was not something we could have anticipated. Previously, a client would see us arrive on session dressed, polished, and ready to go. Clients may have felt the need to keep up, to pretend, but virtual LD has leveled the playing field in a significant way. Unloading the dishwasher, making the bed, and washing dirty clothes are no longer a one-way street.
Innovation360 has always been invested in making sure that we enter into a client’s life where they need us. Our focus is on being present, partnering with our clients, all while showing we are human too. It’s the foundation of our model. Virtual Life Development has made our authenticity even more visible. They are invited to see the things on our to-do list. They are welcomed into the parts of our lives that need attention. They learn that we are not experts at life, but we do show up well for it. They see that they can too. We couldn’t have known that virtual LD would further humanize an already humanitarian endeavor, but, without question, it certainly has.
What is the secret to making lasting change? A few minutes browsing books online could yield countless results on how to cultivate motivation, willpower, and enlightenment. We all go running to these resources as we ask ourselves:
Why do I keep taking on more than I can handle?
Why can’t I say “no?”
Why does my kid keep failing their classes even though I have given them every possible resource I can imagine?
Why can’t I stick to a diet?
We arm ourselves with information and all the self-discipline we can muster and jump headlong into yet another “lifestyle change.” However, the fatal flaw in our sustained progress, or that of our loved ones, is that we go at it alone, all by ourselves. Let’s admit it: it’s uncomfortable for others to know how and where we struggle and to what extent. Or perhaps we don’t think anyone is capable of helping. Despite all of this, it is the action of stepping out and recruiting healthy support, that is the first and most powerful step in making anything really happen, and stick.
So, what does healthy support look like? First, let’s talk about what it’s not:
They’re talking with you, but it’s really about them.
Perhaps what you’re sharing sparks something negative in the person you’re talking to—their anxiety, defensiveness, competitiveness, fears, or ego. You let a friend know you’ve decided to abstain from alcohol for a while, and they quickly explain why that’s not necessary for them. You express a desire to confront your boss, and your friend who has never confronted anyone in their life explains the value of keeping the peace. A mother works tirelessly to make sure her child does well in school when, if she took a good look at it, would see that she is trying to protect her child from feeling the intellectual inferiority she has dealt with much of her life.
They like to motivate you by threatening or shaming you.
Sometimes in a well-intentioned way, people try to support others by attempting to manufacture motivation via control or shame. This may look like the parent who is trying to offer support, but they’re actually hovering, critiquing, giving feedback and, ultimately, may step in to take over. By clearing the path too much, these parents are trying to teach and set their child up for success but unintentionally disempower and weaken their child.
Phrases like, “Is that the best you can do?” or “Don’t embarrass me” may motivate someone in the short term but take a long-term toll on a person’s self-esteem—actually working in contrast to a person’s movement towards progress on the whole.
They give a lot of advice but listen very little.
Advice-giving quickly creates a dynamic in which the person doling out the advice seems to be in on something the other person isn’t. This is sometimes the case, but the timing and appropriateness of giving advice involve being in tune with the other person as well as understanding the objective. Those who throw around a great deal of advice without really listening may be in it more for their own sake, stoking their own feelings of importance.
So, what does healthy and effective support look like?
The person knows and cares about you and helps you understand yourself better too.
A truly supportive person is invested in and cares about you, on the whole, regardless of your success or failure. And because they care about you, they are invested in knowing you and really what you’re after. They know what your strengths and weaknesses are and maybe even where they come from.
In the context of this relationship, we find the safety we all need to admit we need to improve and then take risks, struggle and even fail. Truly, aren’t the best people in the world those who we know have our back no matter what? Those are the people we listen to when they call us out for being out of line, thinking crazy or having stinky breath. And they tell us when this is happening because they know it’s important for us to know, even if it is uncomfortable to say. In turn, we listen to them because we see what they are doing, in the spirit, it is intended, because they care.
The person holds you accountable to your goals.
A person who offers you support is in on what you’re trying to do, which can only happen if you let others know about your efforts. Then, either implicitly or explicitly, they call on you to confront and accept responsibility for what you’re doing (or not doing). Supportive accountability feels a lot like a partnership, like having a team member who is there to help you get where you want to be. It’s the friend who, without missing a beat, gently pulls your hand away from your mouth when you go to bite your nails. It’s the friend you know will ask about your progress on your most recent project because they partner with you in getting what you want. Because it is important to you, it is important to them. It can also be the person who companions with you while you face the scary things in life- the doctor’s appointment, your first AA meeting, or the first time you really put yourself out there.
Holding someone accountable is not easy. It also means they won’t let you make excuses or sell yourself short. In the face of your lost momentum, supportive accountability encourages you to reconnect to your motivation and persevere. And, perhaps the best part, the person who is in on your efforts with you, will legitimately celebrate with you in your success, even the little ones.
The person offering you support is healthy.
You can’t give what you don’t have. In seeking helpful support, it is important to look for those who commit to their own wellness—physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. There is a value in cultivating a deeper connection with people who share and live out healthy life values that are consistent with yours. By being in relationships with people who are making strides in their own life, we can be inspired and encouraged. And because no one is perfect, we can learn lessons alongside them as well, namely how to show ourselves grace in this crazy thing called life.
So how do we find people that provide healthy support? The answer may be practicing offering healthy support to others. In so doing, we become better acquainted with what it is to be in a healthy relationship with others. We also teach others, by example, what is helpful for us.
Perhaps you already have these people in your family or social circle. However, it is not unusual for there to be seasons lacking support or surrounded with negative influences. We may have to get creative by seeking out community support like a church, support group or a therapist. Innovation360, an outpatient mental health organization with counselors and therapists, offers relational support through their Life Development Team who joins participants in their everyday life to help them accomplish their goals.
See the original article at https://cbsaustin.com/sponsored/spotlight/are-the-people-in-your-life-really-supportive
Americans have long been motivated to compete against each other. Whether it’s a rival sports team, a political opponent, or a greater cause like cancer, hunger, or AIDS, people look for things to beat. But what is it about anxiety that leaves people feeling defeated and experiencing such despair?
Everybody experiences anxiety—it’s a natural response that helps humans survive. The unease and worry that comes with uncertain outcomes have protected people for a long time. Think of your weariness to walk down a dark alley alone, or the instinctual urgency you have when a fire alarm goes off. Those make sense, right?
Read the full article at CBS Austin News
Since it is almost Halloween, it seems appropriate to talk about masks. Whether we like to admit it or not, we all tend to wear them, just not the plastic, store purchased ones.
Here are five masks that people tend to wear to hide what is really going on inside:
- Bozo the Clown – Did you know that laughing is one of the ways people stuff feelings? You can usually tell when someone is genuinely laughing or when it seems forced and unnatural. Many people hide their sadness and hurt by constantly telling jokes or making silly comments. The appearance is that they are happy, but if we could see inside, we would find hurt, sadness, loneliness, fear and several other feelings that are hard to acknowledge.
- Einstein the Know it All – Some people use facts, explanations and data to prove that they are right and intellectually can defend any premise. The problem is, they are really hurting inside, just like Bozo. Intellectualization is one of the most common ways we run from our true feelings.
- Egor the Angry – Some wear a constant scowl that says to everyone around, “Don’t mess with me. I am about to blow up and you don’t want to be the one that lights my fuse.” It is sadly very effective at keeping people at a distance so they don’t have to reveal themselves. Just like Bozo and Einstein, Egor is full of fear, a sense of failure, loneliness, sadness and maybe guilt and shame. People tend to walk on eggshells around Egor.
- Weaknfrail – Some seem to have the back of their hand velcroed to their forehead…as in “Woe is me.” I think of the character on Saturday Night Live, Debbie Downer. This mask indicates that the person wearing it cannot handle any bad news, is overwhelmed and beaten down. How could you ever ask them for help or support? It is a way to assure that your true feelings of fear and inadequacy won’t be challenged.
- Perfectionista – This mask indicates that the wearer is exceptionally organized, rarely makes mistakes, if ever, and can handle anything that comes their way. The mask indicates that no matter how high you set the bar, I can jump over it. I don’t need anybody and I will judge you if you do not meet my expectations. Just like Bozo, Einstein, Egor, and Weaknfrail, Perfectionista is hiding a feeling of inadequacy, anger, guilt and shame and fear.
WE all tend to judge our insides by others’ outsides. The truth is, we are all imperfect beings who have feelings and want to experience a sense of connection and belonging. Our society and culture encourage a lot of this. Our self-worth is often measured by the house we live in, the car we drive, our appearance the school our children attend or our annual income.
We are all worthy just because we are here. As Dr. Brene Brown says,” There are no prerequisites for worthiness.” Finding out who we really are is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. Often that takes therapy and a journey of self-discovery. There is nothing more rewarding, challenging, scary, but ultimately joyful, than finding out who we are and taking off our masks.